How Long Should You Wait To Date After Divorce
How long should we wait to date after divorce? That is one problem that is probably not given enough thought. Far too many times, people go through divorce and the first thing they want, is find someone else. It all seems like a good idea at the time, but if you take careful consideration, it makes more sense to wait until the proper time. Youíll save yourself some time and heartache that way, if you just become patient, and wait.
After my divorce, from a marriage of 28 years, I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. I thought of all those years of sitting at home alone with the kids, while my husband was out running around. I deserved to have a good time, right? It was my turn to have some fun and kick up my heels! My kids were all grown now, why not have some fun! It should be easy to find me a man like I always wanted, I just needed to put myself out there!
The only problem was, even though I was still a slender attractive lady, I was now 45. I found the men in the bar that I liked were all interested in the much younger women, at least 10 Ė 20+ years younger than them. I could not compete against that in my wildest dreams!
To begin with, I was shopping in all the wrong places, and shopping before my time. I did meet some men over the next year or so in the bars, and got involved in four different relationships. But all four failed miserably. I was totally destroyed by the time the fourth one had ended and was depressed and desperate. I wanted man so bad in my life, so he could make me happy. I kept wondering what was so wrong with me, and what was I doing wrong? Why was this happening to me?
What I discovered was that having a man in my life was about the last thing that I needed. I was too dependent and needy, and my vulnerability made me a prime target for those sweet talking men in the bars. What I really needed was to spend some time alone with myself, and get to know myself better, and God. So that is what I did, and I have not regretted it one bit. It was one of the most intelligent moves I made. Yes, I got really lonely at times, but I had to learn to become comfortable in my own skin, and God showed me how to love myself and others. God taught me a lot during this time of being alone in the dessert with Him. I learned to fellowship with other Christian friends, and stay away from the bars. As a result I was much happier, and knew the friends I was among now, were true friends who really cared and people I could depend upon. That is worth its weight in gold alone! We all need the support of like minded believers, to help keep us on track and hold us accountable. It is so easy to get off track, and loose out way.
I have heard that you need to stay single one year for every five years you are married, in order to heal and get rid of any excess baggage. During the healing period, you need to fill your mind with the thoughts of the Lord, and look to him for guidance as well. You can do this by studying his word each day, and spending time in prayer. As far as the equation, I donít know if it is really very reliable. But I do know that with the help of the Lord, it was pretty accurate for me. I was married 28 years, and I was single for 6 years before I was really ready as a mature Christian to be in a relationship again.
God wants us to learn to put him first in our lives, then all the things we want, will added to us. But we truly have to seek Him with all our hearts, and live a life that is pleasing to Him. Then things will eventually fall into place when the Lord knows you are ready. I am glad I waited on the Lord, rather than trying to take it into my own hands, and picking a wrong person again. That is all God wants, is for us to trust Him.
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